Our Miscarriage Story

If you’ve followed me for awhile you know this part of my story, but if you’re new here, can I open up, be transparent and share something close to my heart??

It wasn’t but 3 years ago we experienced the loss of our first baby. We shouted for joy until the moment I was standing in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner that a feeling of “something is off, this just isn’t right” started to creep inside my soul.

A few weeks later, sitting in a cold ER, the doctor confirmed we had lost our second child.

Feeling heartbroken but in some sort of weird way prepared because of that feeling I previously had weeks prior. We just sat there. Hurt. Disappointed. But hopeful that we could try again soon.

A few months later, to my surprise, I took a test, or three and it was positive! Scraping together all the change I could find, I went to Starbucks to order Keith’s favorite drink where they’d write “You’re a Daddy… once again!”

I could hardly wait to bring it home and surprise him!

This time, there was no feeling of loss, just dreams of what our family of four would look like. How the room was decorated. What our sweet babies face would look like.

Sharing the news with Keith sitting beside me he was in awe. He couldn’t believe it! God had blessed us with a 3rd child! ...Then to number crunching he went. After a celebrated dinner of course!

I’d soon plan a photoshoot with our oldest, Kayden. Wearing the cutest little onesie that said “I’m a big brother” as he had a baseball bat in hand.

Still no sign of something being wrong, just all the feels of excitement and planning!

A couple weeks go by and we head to our doctors appointment.  She ran some tests then asked if I could go to the ultrasound room for some more testing. Of course, I wanted to make sure everything was okay so we followed her in there.


Laying on the table she looked of our little bean. She had found her, our little angel, but she was measuring a little small. Still being in the beginning stages, the doctor wanted me to come back in a couple weeks to make sure our baby was measuring correctly and that everything was okay.

Those two weeks were the LONGEST two weeks of my life! No joke!

Stepping back into the office, with only a few people knowing about this little one, I laid back on the table for another ultrasound.

She pronounced some big long names but all I could hear was I don’t see a baby anymore. Sometimes this happens. You have a perfectly healthy baby but then, for some reason or another, she’s gone. We don’t really know how or why it happens.

Now, if you’ve ever had this happen or been close to someone who has, this is extremely hard. No explanation. No nothing. Honestly, I felt like I failed. I failed as a mother, as a wife, as a person.

Later that week, I’d have to go in for a D&C, due to my body not accepting the fact that I had lost another baby. Yes, that day, that was a cold, dark day.

God had blessed Keith with a great job, that only He knew we’d have to have for later on in our story, but at this point he was only 3 days in so he couldn’t take off or he’d lose his job.

So going into the hospital alone, I laid on the bed in this cold, sterile room, watched whatever was on the TV, and waited for the doctors to come get me. I remember feeling so alone, but also knowing that the peace of God was with me and that He had a plan for all of this.

A few hours later, I was in recovery and ready to head home. I don’t think it had completely hit home at this point, but it wouldn’t be long.

Lots of tears were shed. Countless thoughts ran through my mind. Babies were being born all around me but why not me? At the same time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the Lord had a plan. Honestly, that’s the only thing I could hold on to at the moment. Knowing that somehow, some way, good would eventually come out of this dark time.

Little did I know, another two years later, after many tests, doctor visits, and countless prayers; we found out about our sweet baby Karson.

I know not everyone’s story is like this. But today, I couldn’t help but think about all the mommas out there who have been through similar situations.

I know that this is never easy. It doesn’t matter if you have several children or if you don’t have any yet. It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday or even if it’s been 20 years now..

This type of loss is tough. It’s painful. I know it is.

But if I could, I would wrap my arms around those of you who are reading this right now and have gone through this. I want to tell you that you’re not alone.

I’ve been there. I’ve stood in those shoes. My hope is that knowing that someone else has experienced this too brings you comfort. It helps to have someone who can relate, listen to your story, allow you to cry, to hurt, to be angry, to feel all those emotions.

Sweet friend, I’m here. But more than that…God is near to the brokenhearted.

I share my story because walking through this, I felt alone. I felt like a failure. I felt like no one understood. But that wasn’t true at all. In fact, it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Through it all, the one thing that was my light at the end of this dark tunnel was knowing that no matter what, Jesus is good. He’s always good. Even when it feels like the world is crashing around you, He’s still there and He’s strong enough to handle your deepest hurts and fears.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Cling to this verse. It brought a sense of peace knowing that somehow, through this storm, God still had a plan. There would be a rainbow on the other side. Even though I wasn’t sure why everything was happening, and all I wanted was answers, I knew He had a plan.

While allowing myself to search for some good in this mess, day by day, the pain got a little less and my hope got a little stronger. Like I said above, you will never fully get rid of the pain, but you can always cling to the promise that His plan is always greater than the disappointment that we face.

My prayer is that you will find peace in Jesus. My hope is that you will hold onto the promise that He has a plan for you and that you will grow stronger because of this. I pray that, never forgetting your precious little baby, you will use your story to love on others who might be walking down the same path as you. Yes, it is a lonely road. But friend, you are not alone.